Babies

It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money. ~Elinor Goulding Smith

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. ~Author Unknown

Babies are always more trouble than you thought – and more wonderful. ~Charles Osgood

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. ~Ed Howe

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. ~Leo J. Burke

Babies are such a nice way to start people. ~Don Herrold

Every baby needs a lap. ~Henry Robin

Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud “snort” noises.) I don’t know why parents don’t do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you’re a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won’t have his friends hanging around your house all the time. ~P.J. O’Rourke

When babies look beyond you and giggle, maybe they’re seeing angels. ~Quoted in The Angels’ Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race. ~Barbara Christine Seifert

One of the most obvious results of having a baby around the house is to turn two good people into complete idiots who probably wouldn’t have been much worse than mere imbeciles without it. ~Georges Courteline, La Philosophie de Georges Courteline

…a little child, born yesterday,

A thing on mother’s milk and kisses fed…

~”Hymn to Mercury” (one of the Homeric Hymns), translated from Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley

God’s interest in the human race is nowhere better evinced than in obstetrics. ~Martin H. Fischer

A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on. ~Carl Sandburg

If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. ~Dave Barry